Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk is not a location!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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