Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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