his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
