When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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