It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
