she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
