I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
