OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
