Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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