So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
