It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
