she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
