I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
