Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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