Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
