Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
