I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
