At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
