3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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