Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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