I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Acid is not a monday night drug
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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