Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
