The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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