This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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