So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
