Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
