I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
