After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
