we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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