he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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