I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
