There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you never un-have a 4some
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
