You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
