All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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