he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
