I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
