then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
