you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
