I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
