i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
