God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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