I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
