i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
