Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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