all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
