he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
