oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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