Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it glows. i had to have it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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