i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
