Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
