wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
