when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
