I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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