Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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