i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
