woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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