Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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