kristin has been a bad kristin
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
