I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
