Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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