No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
