Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
