she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
