My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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