I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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