just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
