I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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