I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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