Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
