if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize